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I had my first phone call with Mr. Romance, aka Mr. …….. And it really was …… I think he may be the equivalent to MssApple’s carnation. A totally nice guy, but really awkward and unsure of himself. He takes long pauses even in conversation and says “I don’t know” a lot. I think the best part was that his friends were visiting his apartment when he called me. As MssApple asked - does he constantly need a chaperone?
We made plans to go out to dinner on Wednesday. He’s a nice enough guy and I swore that I would give this a real shot, so once again, who knows? Maybe Mr. Romance will become Mr. Right.
All I know is that after that ten minute phone call, I need to
… And then:
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The “best” part of my date with Beefcake (can’t believe I forgot to mention it!):
Beefcake: Check this out!
(he flexes his pec muscles back and forth)
Beefcake: Did that make you orgasm??
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I need to start this point by summarizing its contents: date with Beefcake was a DISASTER. Literally the worst date I’ve ever been on in my entire life (and I once had a blind date with PeeWee Herman’s twin). I’m still amazed that I survived the night. But let’s start at the beginning…
The beginning of the evening was actually really nice. We met at a T.G.I. Fridays and each had a beer while we talked and got to know each other some more. I learned about his family, he learned about mine, we both learned about each other’s jobs, etc etc. He was charming and intelligent and covered the bill, which is always a plus. We decided to head out to a pub owned by his friend, and shared a kiss outside the restaurant (not too shabby).
Then things got weird.
Standing by our cars, getting ready to head to the pub. Beefcake decided that he was feeling quite tired and asked if it would be okay if we dropped his car by his apartment and I drove us. It seemed like a strange request, but I’m pretty easy going so I agreed. After dropping off his car, we arrived at the pub (me as chauffeur).
Let me take a moment to note that throughout the rest of our date, Beefcake had at least 5 more beers. It hit me that I was being used as a designated driver, but I tried not to let that bother me too much. I had other things to worry about, anyway.
Once at the pub, Beefcake invited his friend over to our table to join us. He spent the majority of the night talking to his friend, finding ways to brag about himself through their conversation. So unattractive. What was even better was when it was finally just us - Beefcake started getting sloppy and became completely disgusting.
First he started talking about the “fat girls” at the other table. Then he went on a rant about how racism doesn’t actually exist and n****** should just get over it (yes, he REALLY said that). Then he said that his father was the perfect Aryan, and that he felt a strong sexual connection between us. I wanted to vomit.
THEN, if you can believe it, things got EVEN WEIRDER.
Beefcake turned the conversation to politics, where he went on a rampage against Obama and welfare and unemployment (clearly anyone on unemployment is a loser, according to him). He asked if I knew who it was that really supported Obama. I said I didn’t know, and why didn’t he tell me. Well, Beefcake apparently didn’t like that answer and decided I was being “coy.” So he stared at me in silence for the next few minutes.
By then it was nearing midnight so I asked if he was ready to go (after all, I was the driver so it was up to me to get him home). He got up and went to the bar to pay our tab, then came back and told me I could go if I wanted. He said he talked to his friend and could get a ride home with him later. I was completely taken aback by this - was he just going to send me home alone and seriously catch a ride with his friend? Apparently, yes.
So, I left the bar alone and went home. After commiserating with MssApple via the phone, I realized that I was kind of thankful that it ended so horribly. At least I know Beefcake won’t try to get in contact, so I won’t have to worry about figuring out how explain that I’m no longer interested. My mind is still reeling and I’m still in disbelief…
Did that really happen??